I haven’t blogged since my own wedding back in April. Between Covid, weddings being rescheduled causing a lack of content, and the recent demand to amplify black voices, blogging just didn’t feel right.
I wanted to jump back into it with purpose. And what’s been weighing heavy on my heart lately, as it has with most of us, is the racism that exists in this country. And I don’t feel right posting my usual content until I share these thoughts with you.
What I want is to be helpful. I don’t want to write something we’ve all heard before. But I want to share with you personal experience that might be enlightening, because as a white person there is no way I am qualified to share about any experiences the black community has faced.
Addressing this issue can, and should be, uncomfortable. As a white person who strives to be loving and compassionate, facing the fact that I may have been wrong about certain things I’ve said and done in the past is hard to accept. Additionally, I’ve been quick to justify them. I’ve never been afraid to apologize when I’m wrong- but getting accused of saying or doing something that’s racist? My first instinct is to argue and defend.
Here’s the thing- I know I’m not racist. But at the same time, in the past few weeks I’ve been challenged more than once to check myself. I’ve read things that have offended me, angered me, and made me feel attacked.
But guess what?
Maybe now is the time to reflect on that. What about a black person feeling hurt by something I’m guilty of, angers me? How am I, a white person, who hasn’t ever even heard the term “systemic racism” until a couple weeks ago, allowed to get defensive? If ignorance is the reason for your insensitivity and the need to defend yourself when you’ve been called out, you need to understand that you are being given the chance to fix that. All it takes is the willingness to learn for the sake of others. No one is going to judge you for your effort.
Here’s what I’ve realized: I have a lot to learn.
And learning can be uncomfortable. And it should be.
Because it’s not right to dissociate myself from someone’s pain just because I can’t handle the fact that I’ve contributed to it.
Just simply because I am uneducated.
Being uneducated is dangerous.
And I’ve always chosen to ignore politics and the news because it makes me sad, scared, and anxious. But ignorance is bliss.
But now I have a lot to catch up on. Because I refuse to act like an ally to the black community while being so ignorant to the intensity of the injustice they face every day.
As for actions I’m taking in my business and my life:
I need to show more diversity in my business- clientele and vendors alike. I’m sorry to anyone who hasn’t felt fairly represented in my community. And I’m sorry that when called out for it in the past, my response was to immediately defend myself.
I need to stay updated on current events, and get those updates from a reliable source- not from Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. In the same respect, I need to continue to further my education on the true history of this country- not just the white-washed version I’ve been taught to believe.
I need to do the work myself, it’s not anyone else’s job to educate me on these topics. Black people have been trying to express it to us their entire lives. We need to take that burden from them, yesterday.
A lot of us need to hear some difficult truths. And when that happens, I really encourage you to be open. It’s alright to be proven wrong again and again when there’s so much at stake. And by the way- it was always black lives that were at stake.
I know this wasn’t my normal fun content, but I appreciate all of you for staying with me when I feel the need to speak my heart. Behind blog posts of pretty weddings and curated styled shoots, I’m human, and I’ve been given a platform. This is how I choose to use it.
Contact your local officials: